"Savi
my problem is rather a complicated issue that
is causing me a great deal of grief and distress.
I am a Christian woman raised in a god loving
home. I have been married for 17 years and have
three beautiful children aged 11, 13 and 15. I
have raised my children to love and honour god
however my husband is a non-believer. My husband
knew of my faith when we married and he even came
to church and told me that he felt god speaking
to him - alas his passion and quest for God has
not been fulfilled.
Throughout
our marriage we have separated 5 times. Firstly
as my husband was involved in illegal money making
activities and put the children & myself at risk
- once he agreed to stop this he returned home.
He is also an uncontrolled diabetic which means
that his health can affect his mood and he has
a tendency towards rage and anger. The second,
third and fourth time we separated was so that
he could get help and he always promised to change-
he was abusive physically, verbally & emotionally
towards the children especially and also to me.
The
last time we separated 4 years ago I had to ask
my husband to leave as the violence was a danger
to the children - he was involved with single
friends, out drinking and rarely coming home.
The police were involved but I never proceeded
with formal charges against him as he was seeing
a psychologist and I thought he was prepared to
change. He came from a home where his father was
very emotionally and verbally abusive. We were
separated for nearly 6 months and during this
time I put my faith in God to restore the marriage.
My husband was acting suspiciously and I suspected
an affair but could not prove it and he was very
nasty if I tried to discuss it. He was also involved
with a clairvoyant who told him that I was the
barbed wire that was wrapped so tightly around
him and choking the life out of him. He became
enchanted with new age philosophy and began a
quest to find his inner happiness through these
beliefs.
He
did return home and the next few years we experienced
a great deal of hardship financially and emotionally.
He was still verbally abusive to the children
but refrained from physically touching them. He
remained in contact with a lot of his friends
and still spent time out drinking with work mates.
We drifted apart and I am sorry to say that I
found it very hard to be intimate with him as
I was often angry or hurt by his actions. Last
year he took a job interstate (we live in Australia)
for 12 months. He would come home one weekend
a month. At first we drew closer and I thought
the old adage of absence makes the heart grow
fonder was true. Unfortunately my husband would
spend most nights and weekends drinking at the
local pubs with work mates and sometimes we would
get drunken phone calls. When he came home from
the job for good he was distant and told me he
thought we should sell the house at the end of
the year and go our separate ways. At first I
did not pay much attention as he said this often
but then quite by accident I stumbled across an
email from a lady where he was working interstate
that clearly indicated an affair. After much denial
he finally told me that he had kissed her a few
times and went out with her as she made him feel
like a king. I did contact the lady by email to
ask if there was more to the story and received
an anonymous call from woman who would not give
her name but told me that my suspicions about
my husband were true. I then contacted some friends
he had lived with 4 years ago and they told me
that he had a 3 month affair and a few one night
stands. This was during the time that we were
trying to reconcile and go to counselling.
My
husband kept on denying the truth and then finally
told me that yes he had done all that because
I was a (swear word here) bad wife and didn't
give him enough sex. My first instinct was to
end the marriage which I regretted & then I tried
to talk to him but he was adamant to leave. He
sold the house and got another job interstate.
That was nearly 3 months ago. I am moving to a
new house with my children and he has offered
some financial help but is not interested in reconciling
although he tries to call me daily and act like
we are friends.
I
must admit I fell into the depths of despair when
this occurred & if not for my faith and love of
God I am sure that this darkness would have totally
consumed me to the point of suicide.
I
am praying that Gods will be done in my marriage
& that God will lead my husband to him. My family
and counsellor are adamant that enough is enough
and I should allow the divorce to occur. I am
struggling to know what to do - I want to do Gods
will, I still love my husband despite this and
I also recognise my part in our problems and have
asked for Gods forgiveness. My head is so full
of contradicting thoughts yet reality is that
I must continue to move on with my children. I
do not know what Gods will is and I am finding
it hard to know what to do with regards to my
marriage.
Your
advice would be so appreciated. Thank
you" - RK
(Question
from Australia)
